Trust no one

I trust no one since roughly 1994.

It’s fairly easy to distrust people .Imagine if you can’t really trust your own body .

I can’t trust mine.

I’m hungry when I’m sad .I’m hungry when I’m happy. I’m hungry when I’m mad .I’m hungry when I’m thirsty, but also, just like others -I’m hungry when I’m hungry.

Because of that I need to eat regularly . If I don’t ,it all goes to shit.

Like yesterday for example. I ate my breakfast very late. It was more a brunch then anything else really, but I didn’t eat enough. I felt miserable ,almost the whole day , my neck was killing me ,and I was just sitting on my couch feeling sorry for myself. On the top of that ,my neck pain ,usually comes together with headache, because why not .

Time went by so quickly ,and before I knew ,I was busy making dinner .After dinner however ,I didn’t eat anything . Well almost anything .I ate two pears , bit of popcorn (butter free popcorn ) ,4-5 small Oreo cookies ,some waffles(no sugar) and some coffee and buckets of my favorite tea. I didn’t binge. Still, I end up going to bed hungry. My head was hurting me so much ,but since it was really late I thought I can manage without food. Why have I done that? Not sure, most likely it was a punishment -I failed to eat how I suppose to, so now naturally I deserve to suffer . I felt like crap .

Right now I’m not even sure why I thought it was a great idea to punish myself in this manner hmmm…. Anyway I promised myself that the next day I will do better.

So far so good.