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Me & my demons.

I’m extremely  busy nowadays. I’m in my second week of a new job. Also, I’m going to finish treatment for my eating disorder very soon. It’s because I am magically cured after almost 1,5 years of treatment. Or am I ? I can tell you know with full honesty that I am not cured. I … Continue reading Me & my demons.

Stress

It has been a while.  I had few attempts to sit and write something ,but didn’t really feel like it. Currently I’m not happy with how things are going.I haven’t stood on the scale in a while and scared like hell to do it . Treatment for my eating disorder is about to finish soon,and … Continue reading Stress

Stupid

I binged yesterday. I hide the food that  I ate from everyone. I put the candy papers in the bin, and then covered them with other stuff. Then I put some food to my bag. You know ,like the old times, and took it with me upstairs, to watch some TV on my laptop. Then … Continue reading Stupid

Trauma

My dad called me two times yesterday, not in the best of times, to be very honest. I didn’t pick up ,and also didn’t call back. If it’s something urgent-especially for him ,he would try to text me too, or send something via messenger . Anyway. I went to bed, and had one nightmare after … Continue reading Trauma

Scale

I went on the scale today.It was less than last time ,but not life changing less. There was no binge eating happening recently. I’ve made a lot of changes in my daily food related routine, and still ,the scale didn’t show it.  I should probably move more…I wish I could go swimming for example. I … Continue reading Scale

War

Writing this is not easy. I’m a mom myself,and just thought that there will come a day when my child will blame me for all her issues or unhappiness scares the shit out of me. I’m sure that at some point she will realize how fucked up her mom actually can be.I hope that she … Continue reading War

Hear me out.

” I’m smarter than you. I look better in this sweater . You have a big mouth. Are you sure you are going to eat that? You are not pretty. Nobody will want someone as fat as you are. Your belly is not as flat as mine. Your boobs are way too big. You are … Continue reading Hear me out.

Misery

I feel like I’m in some kind of limbo of misery.  This whole pandemic is starting to really get on my nerves . Maybe it was bothering me before,but I pretend that it didn’t ? That sounds like something I would do. Before my break down nearly 2  years ago, I would push myself to … Continue reading Misery

Angry

I’m very very angry .On a scale from 1 to 10  I would give it a solid 12 . You will understand why after reading this post. Growing up being me was not very pretty .It was wrong from the start. First – I was supposed to be a boy. Years ego ,you couldn’t check … Continue reading Angry

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