Invisible

Invisible.

I should be sleeping right now after doing, what I recently found out to be called by some a graveyard shift. I don’t know if it is my period talking, tired talking, or ugly heavy girl with a bunch of insecurities talking, but I do not feel so good about myself today and felt like writing about it.

It’s hard to not see me, being my size, yet very often I feel like I’m invisible. 

As I was told once, obesity usually occurs when people are stupid, because they don’t know how to choose better, since they do not have a will strong enough to do so. We are weak and weak in 2022 equals stupid.

It’s even dumber if you know, what is better and you still make the wrong choice.

Nope, not trying to feel sorry for me. Instead of trying to change my way of thinking about myself, I get to the conclusion that people like me should be living under the ground, you know, to not hurt the aesthetics of the surrounding. I had a chat today at work, and the person I spoke to, was talking to me like I’m just a fat blob kinda thing. Not like a colleague at work or a female, woman, but a fat blob. I don’t think he even realized how it made me feel, which I guess tells more about him, than about me. I was not looking for admiration or approval of any kind, just to make it clear. I went to work, and I was trying to do my job, which I was partially denied, because “most likely” I will not be able to do it well.

So resuming, I’m not only invisible but also dumb according to “today’s standards”.

I don’t have a look, and I know it is not the most important thing in the world, but judging someone by the way they look hurts me still and always will. Especially if such a thing is followed by doubt in myself and my skills and literally all that I am.

So next time, before you assume, before you judge, I will ask you kindly to walk a mile in my shoes. 

In the meantime, I will go back to my daily routine, trying to learn and believe, that I am not what others think I am.