logic is not always logical

It’s been a while, I know. Felt like writing something down, for my own sake.

My therapy for eating disorder is officially over since August, and I was advised that I’m all good and all I need to do now is lose weight. The solution to this  would be the obesity clinic. 

I was supposed to build a support network, so in case I will be at the edge of relapsing, I would have someone to go to. This is still, to this day, very confusing for me. 

Let me explain- I was successfully hiding my binge eating from everybody. Well not sure if successfully is the right word to describe it , but yeah, I am obese, that’s what people could see for sure, but the overeating part was not visible. So after the treatment is expected from me to not hide it, and let my support network know that I have a problem and I need help/ support

Easy peas, when you were hiding this for more then 30 years. ..

Also, I am the only person with an eating disorder that I know, so how on earth do people who have no idea how it feels understand what is going on in my head? Every relapse is not something that I feel like bragging about, obviously….

I relapsed a few times already. I’m happy with my job,but my private life is in rough shape if I may say nicely. I’m having a hard time dealing with it. I know I should be able to make better choices by now, but If I’m completely hopeless I do not think straight anymore.

Logical solutions are not so logical. 

I will make an appointment with the Obesity clinic tomorrow and then will go from there.

One is clear for me, this shit never really goes away, and it sucks. It sucks so very much.